It’s day three, and we’re talking about fears. I suppose we all have little things that give us the heebie-jeebies, and of course there are the big fears too, the ones that keep us awake at night.
I found thinking of eight fears a little tricky, but this is what I came up with:
1. The vet. Not for me sillies…I’m not that much of an animal 😉 But the Alzheimer’s Cat has had a lot of rather serious illnesses in her 19 and some change years, none of which she was expected to recover from. She always seems to bounce back, but I have worked myself up into a state of absolute terror that the next visit to the vet will be the one when he tells me it’s time to let her go. I will be devastated. So now I start crying every time I go to the vet, before he’s even offered a diagnosis. It’s a little embarrassing for me and a lot perplexing for the poor guy. Luckily we haven’t had a vet visit in almost a year so I am regaining my composure.
2. This leads me to my next fear – that I am slowly becoming the crazy cat lady. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, all the while expecting a different result. Well, I keep talking to the Alzheimer’s Cat (possibly a sign of crazy cat lady-ness in itself), even though it has come to my attention that she is stone cold deaf. Does this make me a little bit loolaa?
3. Speaking of Alzheimer’s, I watched my grandparents succumb to various forms of dementia – my grandmother had Pick’s disease, while my grandfather had Alzheimer’s – and it was awful. While neither of these illnesses has a proven genetic component, I think it is my biggest fear that I will one day cross the border from quirky into total loss of awareness. I would HATE that. I’m kind of proud of my mind, so losing it would suck the big one. I can honestly say I would rather be dead, so friends who are reading this, please feel free to euthanise me should the time come.
4. Ahem, that was a bit heavy. Perhaps a more light-hearted fear is in order (if there is such a thing!). Boats. I’ve spoken about it before, but I really don’t do boats. I don’t know why (and funnily enough, my sister is scared of them too…must be some repressed childhood memory there somewhere). It’s the motion that freaks me out – not in an ‘I’m gonna vom’ kind of way, but in a total panic attack inducing way. I don’t really do rollercoasters etc. for the same reason. Maybe it’s an inner ear thing. Whatever it is, I have reached the point where I can tolerate a docile cruise on a completely calm river, but add any waves into the mix and I’m outta there.
5. Next up, we have needles. Not the kind for sewing, though I generally avoid those too. The injection/blood drawing kind. They make me faint. So does blood. Who knew I was such a wuss. I recently had one of those finger prick glucose test thingies and was mortified when the nurse would not let me leave until I ate something (her little packed lunch for feck sake, I felt so bad!) because she was convinced I was going to faint the second I walked out the door. The shame.
6. Cockroaches. They must die. Thatisall.
7. Back to the heavy stuff. My family (the blood family that is) all live in Ireland, so I have a big fear that something will happen to one of them and I won’t be there. That would be so horrendous, we won’t even discuss it any further.
8. Last but not least, another pretty heavy, although kinda funny, one. I love living alone – there are actually no words for how much I love living alone. But there is one thing about it that gives me the heebie-jeebies on the rare occasion that I think about it. And it’s not that someone will break in or anything like that. I fear that I will slip and crack my skull open in the bath, choke on a piece of chocolate, or have a heart attack…and because I live alone, it will be days before anyone notices I’m dead. And the Alzheimer’s Cat will be forced to eat my face off because I’m not forthcoming with the Hill’s. Eeek.